she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
