When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
