I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
God, I missed his penis.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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