i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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