Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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