I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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