maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
