a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
