I heard we made out
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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