Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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