my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
