id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
