How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
