So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
