i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Damn victory sex feels great
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize