i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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