Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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