Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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