Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
