My girlfriend figured out who you are.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
