I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
