i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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