the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
