There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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