I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize
