You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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