We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
