Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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