if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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