mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.