Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
