I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...