You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
