i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
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Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
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By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.