these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
