Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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