I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
