Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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