I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
