i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
