Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
