you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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