When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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