I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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