So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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