Rock
Scissors
Fuck
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
