i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
