My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
