this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
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this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
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She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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