Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
