Don't you send me to vm
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
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