ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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