Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
