My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
