I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
You work out of a Hotel?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
