I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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