the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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