I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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