ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
