He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
