It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
