I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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