well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
