nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
