if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize