Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
