Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
