you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
