Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
