There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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