i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
it's great music for shaving your balls
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
