This gyro tastes like lonliness
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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