96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
send nudes
from the living room?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
