if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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