ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
