I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
