put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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