They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
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Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
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Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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