It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
