Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
