I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
